Does Therapy Work? How to Find the Right Therapist in Los Angeles
Therapy failed you. People in the past failed you. How can you trust anyone? Of course, you have doubts about reaching out for help. You don’t know whether it’s worth a try. You keep asking: Does therapy work? Yes, therapy does work. But if you have doubts about it, you certainly have your reasons. So, here are some questions you might be asking and some preliminary answers. But, first. Effective therapy means finding the right therapist for you.
Does therapy work? I’ve tried and I’m still struggling. Am I beyond help?
If you’ve had disappointing or unhelpful experiences in therapy, you might be saying: “I’ve been in therapy already, maybe more than once, and it didn’t help. Should I even bother to try again?” Trying, and having that help fail you, is extremely discouraging and often repeats similar failures in your past.
Now, you don’t want to look for help or open up again. Therapy hasn’t helped in the past.
Don’t give up yet.
You need to know how to look, what to look for, and what qualities you need in the right therapist. That therapist must have training, understanding, empathy, and skills to help you.
And, if you’re still questioning, “Does therapy work,” it is worth finding some answers.
Can you get past your conviction that you’ll never find a therapist who will understand you or is worthy of trust? With the right therapist, you can. No one goes into therapy trusting easily, especially if you had reasons not to trust people in your childhood.
It’s hard to open up to a stranger.
Is it my fault therapy didn’t work?
If your therapist (s) didn’t understand why it’s hard for you to open up, didn’t help you build trust, or said things that made you more distrusting, you were not with the right therapist. It's common to come out of a failed therapy thinking it was your fault.
It wasn’t your fault.
What makes that worse is if a past therapist did blame you. Or, said something like: “You just aren’t willing to change or open up.” To treat you that way is uncalled for, hurtful, and untrue. If you can’t open up, it’s the therapist’s responsibility to help you feel safe in therapy.
The worst thing is when you’re left with the worry: “Maybe I’m hopeless.” You’re not. But, that’s one damaging effect of failed therapy. No wonder you’re asking: “Does therapy work?”
So, if therapy can work, you’re probably wondering, what is effective psychotherapy?
If I try again – what is effective psychotherapy?
Effective psychotherapy is not being left with any feeling that things are your fault, especially if therapy has failed you. If things inside you are getting in the way of opening up, that’s the therapist’s responsibility to understand, not something you’re failing to do.
Everyone has unconscious anxieties that create blocks, that’s why you come to therapy in the first place. And, if you knew what those were, you’d resolve them on your own. Plus, those things that get in your way? They are there for a reason. For an unconscious reason.
And, it’s a therapist’s responsibility to figure those out with you. That’s when you know you’re with the right therapist. A therapist should never blame you for your difficulties or leave you on your own to figure it out. That’s not how therapy works. How does therapy work?
If you have difficulty trusting and being open, that isn’t unusual. Maybe you have fears from childhood disappointments, rejection, or abuse. If so, those fears must be sensitively understood. Criticalness or impatience is never good therapy. If you have a fear of being judged or a critical voice in your head, you need a therapist who senses that and helps you.
The right therapist understands your struggles, even your doubts about therapy.
Is it possible to build trust in therapy?
Building trust is not an easy thing. An effective therapist will find new ways to understand and help you work out what hasn’t yet been sufficiently understood, even about trust.
It’s not up to you.
But when you’ve tried and haven’t gotten the help you need, it’s understandable that you may be angry or defensive. Were you blamed for those feelings? Did you blame yourself?
Anger is part of any effective therapy. There’s nothing wrong with expressing anger, sadness, hurt, frustration, fear, distrust, or defensiveness. More than anything, the right therapist for you will accept and help you be open with, and make sense of, whatever feelings you bring.
All your feelings and anxieties are understandable, even if that’s hard to believe right now.
How is the therapy you do, different?
I practice psychoanalytic psychotherapy and psychoanalysis. Psychoanalytic therapies are different because a trained analyst, like myself, listens for the unconscious elements of your feelings and thoughts, which you cannot find on your own.
But if you encounter judgment or lack of empathy in psychoanalytic therapy move on.
The important thing is for therapy to be a safe and accepting place to bring in whatever is on your mind. There is no agenda, expectation, or homework, as there may have been in other therapies. You are not here to please me. I am here for you.
I know you’ve become convinced that therapy doesn’t work for you, but perhaps now is the time for another try. It’s possible to have an entirely different experience.
How will I know if therapy is working with you?
You’ll know I’m the right therapist over time. Yet, even in the beginning, if you feel you’re being understood in a different way, unique to you, you might feel it’s worth taking a chance to continue in a new therapy with me. Trust takes time to build. You’ve been let down and I wouldn’t expect you to trust me right away. We’ll talk about your worries.
Moving past failed therapy experiences is difficult. It’s hard to get past the doubts about therapy working and this makes you feel hopeless. Many therapists can’t understand the complex ways symptoms and psychological pain are expressed.
I have training to do that.
For example:
Sometimes, feelings can flood you with overwhelming intensity. Or you might hide away your feelings as if they don’t exist. If so, some of your symptoms can be stubbornly unrelenting and difficult to solve. This must be frustrating and lonely for you.
And, this is part of what you need help with.
If you can find the courage to try again, I’m here to discuss your history and uncertainty about me. Feeling understood builds trust, session by session.
As we work in therapy together, you’ll come to know I’m the right therapist when you:
- Understand why you feel the way you do.
- Feel freer to express yourself openly.
- See your life and relationships changing.
- Begin to respond in new ways to old situations.
- Become less self-critical and more self-accepting.
Can you help me set goals? I need a realistic timeline.
A timeline for healing is difficult. I wish I could give you a prediction, but I can’t. I understand you want some certainty, especially since you live with the question, “Does Therapy Even Work?” Many people can begin to feel relief, even after a few sessions. My way of working is not to set specific goals for you. Personal goals arise out of the work we do together. And if you decide to work with me, we’ll talk.
Take a deep breath. Meet me in a Zoom consultation. Talk to me. See how you feel.
Change for long-term problems takes time.
Be patient with yourself. You know you need to make changes. Each psychotherapy or psychoanalysis follows your personal needs. I know that uncertainty makes anyone anxious. But once therapy is underway and a relationship between us starts to develop, it’s much easier to allow the process to do its work. Please know you are free to express your concerns at any time.
As we go along in our work together, talking to me about anything you feel, including any impatience you have, is welcome, necessary, and a key part of any successful therapy.
Can we schedule an informational session before I start? I have more questions.
Of course. I offer a 25-minute complimentary HIPPA-compliant Zoom consultation. Please call (310) 273-4827 or email me at sandracohenphd@gmail.com whenever you’re ready.