Adults suffering childhood trauma is all too common, even if you thought you got over it.

You grew up. Did the best you could and “moved on.” But, you’ve had a lot of struggles. You’ve suffered anxiety. You don’t feel lovable. And, you haven’t been able to find love that works. You’re afraid of wanting too much.

It’s true. Most adults who suffered childhood trauma are still suffering.

The effects don’t let go easily until you’ve found the help you need.

What are some ways you might still suffer trauma as an adult?

Maybe you have an eating disorder. Or, you feel hopeless a lot. Perhaps you’ve even been haunted by dark persistent episodes of depression. When you least expect it (or want it), panic attacks take over. This is no way to live.

You’ve started to wonder: Could any of this be because of what happened so long ago? Could you still be suffering even though you’re an adult now? Yet, how?!

You might even be thinking: “Why would my childhood trauma still be bothering me? I should be over it by now. Shouldn’t I?”

No. That’s not how trauma works. But, these are common thoughts in adults who suffered childhood trauma and haven’t had sufficient help. Or maybe any help.

Or worse, when help has failed you.

Anyone who has endured childhood trauma has tried very hard to go on. Sometimes, even, to “soldier on;” which means toughening up. You block out your feelings and do your best not to think about what you went through.

Sometimes you find yourself just going through the motions. What else is there to do?

Dissociation: “Not Being There”

Going through the motions in a detached way is what psychologists call dissociation. It’s how anyone who’s had trauma (or repeated trauma) copes. Dissociation happens as a form of self-protection. During your trauma – you “went away.”  You might describe it like this: “I was floating above myself, watching.” As if you weren’t there.

Mostly, you didn’t feel. “Not being there” is a way to cut off feelings that are simply too much. They’d be too much for anyone, but certainly for a child. This is how most traumatized children lived through their original childhood trauma (s).

Later, when memories or flashbacks or terrifying feelings return; there’s no option but to cut them off again, to tell yourself to forget (so fast you don’t even know you’re doing it).

Telling yourself, over and over, that you’ll be ok.

Yet, what happens is: you have to live with the secret of how you really feel, how terrified you are (and were), and how hard it is to trust.

Living With Secrets

You’ve mostly had to keep your feelings a secret from yourself. And, it’s part of the reason you’re still suffering. Childhood trauma is very complex, whether you were abused, neglected, or had no one in your early life that could be counted on. 

Very likely, no one ever talked to you about the trauma either. Or, as is often the case in abuse, threatened you and told you that you’d better never tell.

But, what if you weren’t threatened, and still couldn’t tell anyone? Something inside you held back. You were too scared to open it up. Or, maybe, the people you tried to talk to didn’t believe you or didn’t think your childhood trauma was that serious.

And, so you kept quiet. You were ashamed. You didn’t think it should bother you then, and you certainly don’t think you should still suffer now. So, you’ve lived with it alone for many years. Maybe you finally trusted someone enough to talk. Or, maybe it’s still a secret.

The reality is that you had no other option but to try to forget. And, the saddest thing you had to forget is the hurt and scared little child inside you. The little child who is still living inside you with all the feelings you can’t and couldn’t feel. That’s why you continue to suffer.

The Hidden Child Inside You

You may be an adult, but your child self still lives inside, with all the memories and feelings you tried to forget. After trauma, these long-ago feelings are the ones you can’t feel.

For untraumatized people, good memories and feelings provide a foundation to build a happy and satisfying life. But maybe you don’t have any. Or, only very few.

Your childhood trauma has made (and continues to make) you suffer. And, that child who is hidden inside you has suffered deeply. That child has even lived with terror.

Your childhood trauma (whether abuse or loss or illness or something outside of anyone’s control) has deeply affected your life. And, that trauma has interfered with your trust, success, relationships, and especially with your happiness. 

No wonder you still suffer. The past lives on, as hard as you’ve tried to forget. And, as much as you’ve done everything possible to build a good life despite it.

Some of you work around your childhood trauma. You manage quite well in the easier times. You may have even found love, become a parent, and do much better with your children. Maybe you’ve even created a very successful career. 

But, there are other times in life: a loss, major stress, an abusive boss, or something else – and all the memories and feelings still living in that hidden child are triggered.

There you are, suffering a lot. Even if you managed not to suffer so obviously before.

Or, maybe you’ve been suffering your trauma all along. You just didn’t know it.

Triggers: The Past Waits For Reminders

Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) or Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPSTD) are always a result of serious childhood trauma and aversive childhood experiences. And, afterward, you are triggered by something too close to what happened to you.

The past lives on inside you, “waiting” for reminders. If you’ve had no help for your childhood trauma, you’re more likely to be triggered. You’ve had to put your trauma aside or forget about the child part of you – the one who suffered in silence and still suffers.

But, why doesn’t forgetting work?

You’re strong. You’ve managed to go on. Why isn’t that enough? You’re pretty convinced that putting it aside should be successful, right? You haven’t needed anyone’s help before.

Yet, help may be just the thing you need. In triggers, your unconscious mind that has been holding all that was buried – begins to show evidence of the feelings you’ve put aside.

There are reasons.

First, with triggers of old experiences of trauma, your feelings can’t be kept quiet anymore.

Second, your unresolved past wants to reveal itself in dreams or symptoms.

They are messages telling you that the traumatized child inside you needs to be listened to. And, if your child self is heard, you now have a new opportunity to work things out.

You Can Heal If You’re Still Suffering

Realizing that you’re still suffering isn’t a bad thing. That may sound strange. Why would you want to suffer? But, if you are (and I’m sure that’s what brought you to this blog). Then, you will have a new chance to understand more about your suffering.

And, maybe finally, to turn that suffering around.

To do that, it’s essential to take very seriously that the one who is suffering is the traumatized child still living inside you. The one who had no voice; no one to listen; no one that heard; and no one to take seriously the effects of what happened to you.

The feelings and memories are still alive in your psychological and physical symptoms. That doesn’t have to continue. It’s not too late.

If you’re an adult still suffering childhood trauma, with the right kind of help, and learning to trust it (with a therapist who understands why you can’t trust easily), your suffering can change.

Yes, it’s a big leap to consider that you might not have to be so tough. Or that you can stop telling yourself: “It’s over; it happened a long time ago; I should be done with it by now.”

And, you don’t have to keep your feelings secret or live with them alone.

Isn’t it time to take a chance, listen to the child inside, and get help from someone who knows about childhood trauma? You can have a safe place to share your secrets, take what happened seriously, and be with a therapist who listens well:

Someone who knows how to be the guide out of suffering. Once and for all.

If you have questions, please email or call me. I’m happy to talk to you.