If you’ve experienced past trauma, an old trauma trigger will bring on Anxiety. And, for Riley Anderson in Kelsey Mann’s Inside Out 2, it’s her fear of being alone. So, it isn’t just the new emotions of puberty that make Anxiety now take center stage and push away Joy, Sadness, Fear, Anger, and Disgust into the “Back of Mind.” Not even close.

No, Riley’s struggle with Anxiety goes much deeper than that.

Puberty can be overwhelming and confusing, but that’s not the whole story for Riley in Inside Out 2. It’s not even the biggest part of the story. The real story is that Grace and Bree, her two best friends, dropped the bombshell “We’re not going to the same High School as you next year.” And, that did it.

On the car ride to a special and exciting 3-day Hockey Camp, their bombshell threw Riley into a terrible flashback and triggered the trauma of her move to San Francisco. The fear of “no friends.” The feelings of “I’m not good enough.” And, the awfulness of being all alone. That can’t happen.

She has to protect herself. And, old protection systems come into play, along with new ones.

Protection Systems Against “Reliving” Trauma

Old traumas sleep inside until they’re triggered. You go on like Riley did, and adjust to life as best you can. And, Riley adjusted well after she felt Shame about crying in class because of Sadness about losing her home and friends when she moved to San Francisco in the first Inside Out.

Riley is hard on herself, but protection systems against remembering (tripping and almost losing a Hockey game) serve their purpose. “You keep the best (memories), and get rid of the rest.”

But do you?

Those bad memories go to the back of your mind, even your subconscious. But they aren’t gone. You’re still vulnerable to remembering when something triggers them. And, you don’t just remember the event. The feelings you felt then, come back and take you over in full force.

Feelings can rattle you, overwhelm you, and bring on Anxiety. We see that in Inside Out 2. 

One of the memories Riley protects herself against is her traumatic move to San Francisco, feeling alone, with no friends, and no place for her Sadness. Now, she’s overcome by the fear (terror, really) of having no friends again. Alongside that is another fear: “I’m not good enough.”

“I’m not good enough” doesn’t hit Riley right away. She feels Anxiety first. That isn’t a feeling she’s had before along with Envy, Embarrassment, and Ennui. These are new and they hit hard.

She’ll do just about anything to avoid these awful feelings. Sometimes that happens after trauma.

Riley gets so panicked about having no friends in High School that she ditches her best friends Grace and Bree at the first sign she might be friends with the Fire Hawks Hockey team star.

Valentina (Val) Ortiz is older (and much Envied). When she’s nice to her, Riley practically swoons.

What Anxiety & Envy Can Make You Do

To have Val take her under her wing makes Riley give up her Self, along with Grace and Bree.

She’ll do anything and be anyone (else) to be sure she has friends and isn’t alone next year in Inside Out 2. Being alone is Riley’s worst fear and her worst Anxiety. You might have that Anxiety too. It’s scary.

Being alone could send her into a panic. When Riley cries because one mean older girl says she’ll never make the team and Val defends her, Anxiety will do anything to get Val on her side.

Riley will not be eating lunch alone. No way. So, she doesn’t correct Val’s mistake that she’s Minnesota, not “Michigan.” She pretends she doesn’t like her favorite band “Get Up and Glow.” And, she’s Sarcastic (another new emotion), and she glares at Grace and Bree who say she does.

Riley discards her old sense of Self to be a Fire Hawk and have friends. That sense of Self was a kind, good, caring person. Now, she’s Mean. Selfish. Envious. And, so, so, filled with Anxiety.

The thing is: she won’t be Embarrassed (taken over by Shame) ever again. Not, if she can help it.

And, her real feelings of Joy, Sadness, Fear, Anger, and Disgust are now locked up in a vault in the Back of her Mind as if they don’t exist. They’ve been banished there as “worthless” so Riley won’t feel “not good enough.” She’s trying to be someone she isn’t. Riley’s lost her sense of Self.

Riley’s given up her real Self to be liked: “As long as we like what they like we’ll have friends.”

Anxiety = Worst Case Scenarios & Negative Beliefs

If you’ve had trauma in your life, you likely live with a lot of Anxiety about worst-case scenarios.

Sometimes you can’t get them out of your head. They become catastrophic obsessions, like for Riley in Inside Out 2.

Anxiety becomes a self-protection (sort of) that makes you come up with all kinds of things to avoid what you’re most afraid will happen.  We see this with Riley as her Anxiety builds.

Riley can’t sleep. She’s in an anxious panic with “what ifs” and “worst-case scenarios” buzzing around, in her mind. These disastrous ruminations are about her worst kinds of fears.

Not just fears, they’re now negative beliefs she’s sure will happen and must avoid at all costs.

Riley’s terrified of tripping again and losing for her team. She’s sure she will. Of Grace and Bree’s team winning. That would be her worst shame. Coach would see she’s not ready to be a Fire Hawk.

These thoughts create more Anxiety. She has to change Coach’s mind. So, she brainstorms: Hog the puck. Trash Talk the other team. This is not Riley, the girl who is helpful and kind and likes herself.

Envy and Anxiety have made her feel bad about who she is.

Her old trauma: Shame about showing her real feelings (her Sadness and Fear) is triggered, and Riley’s terrified that if she’s her real Self she’ll have no friends. No one will like her.

That she’s Not Good Enough.

The Anxiety & Panic of “I’m Not Good Enough”

Riley’s Anxiety escalates, spins out, and takes over. All because of her fear: “I’m not good enough.” It’s a belief, not just a fear. She’s in a blind frenzy in Inside Out 2.

She’s having a Panic Attack. Hyperventilating in the penalty box because Anxiety got out of hand and she stole the puck, knocked Grace down, and didn’t even stop to see if she’s Ok.

That’s not Riley. Her kindness to Grace years ago is why they became friends.

Now Riley’s mind is in a different kind of swirl. Confusion.

She’s in a fight with herself and with who she’s forced herself to be, so as not to eat lunch alone, disappoint Mom and Dad, not go Pro, and not be that “perfect girl” she expects herself to be.

“I’m not good enough … I’m not good enough … I’m not good enough … I’m not good enough.” But Sadness is teaming up with Embarrassment and Riley is fighting with all her contradicting feelings.

“I’m not good enough … I’m a good person … I’m selfish … I’m kind … I want to be myself, but I’ve got to fit in. I’m brave, but I get scared. Success is everything, but I make mistakes. I’m nice … I’m mean … I’m a good friend … I’m a terrible friend … I’m strong … I’m weak. I need help sometimes.”

All humans live with these contradictions. Which will influence her the most? That’s the question.

Riley’s been blind to her real and core Self. But her true feelings of Joy, Sadness, Fear, Anger, and Disgust are fighting their way back into her awareness so she can remember who she is:

A kind, good, helpful person. Not a person who rejects and hurts her best friends (and her Self).

Accepting All Feelings & Parts of Yourself

Riley’s core Self is a good, kind, helpful person. Yet, no one is perfect. Especially when driven by Anxiety and Worst-Case Scenarios. Can she accept all of herself and still be who she wants to be?

Yes. Accepting all feelings and parts of yourself, even those you don’t much like, helps heal trauma. Everyone has Envy, Embarrassment, and Anxiety. These drive you to do things you regret.

Everyone can be selfish, hurtful, greedy … but also good, kind, and helpful. You are one whole of a person with many feelings that have been fighting with each other. Or shut away in a vault, buried there, because they weren’t encouraged, welcomed, or understood.

Riley’s best friends, Grace and Bree, come to see if she’s ok in the Penalty Box. Riley cries, apologizes, and explains why she did what she did: “I was such a jerk to you. When you told me you were going to a different school, I freaked out.” She asks for forgiveness and gets it.

Back on the ice, Anxiety calms down and starts to get a proper space in Riley’s mind. Riley finds Joy again in playing Hockey, in being herself, and now even Val calls her Minnesota, not Michigan.

Joy says: “We love all of our girl. Every messy, beautiful piece of her.” That’s self-acceptance.

Anxiety, panic, and catastrophic beliefs don’t have to take you over. Remember what Riley says: I’m strong … I’m weak. Sometimes I need help.” Everyone does. No one can figure things out alone.

Especially after trauma. You can get help finding self-acceptance. That is possible.

Then, like Riley in Inside Out 2, you can have friends for who you are. Not who you think have to be.

This piece was written for and originally posted on Characters On The Couch.